I Believe that I Don't Believe...

The more I think about it the more I believe that I don't believe; in God that is. God seems like a fictional character to me these days. I shake my head as I look back on the days when I was a faithful believer. My journey away from God has been a slow and steady one. I started out a 100% believer in God and Jesus Christ. Eventually I became a doubter then a 50/50 kind of gal. My attitude for a long time has been 'what if there is; what if there isn't... does it really matter?' I am more recently moving into the 'I can't imagine there is a God' place; the idea seems like a fairy tale or a myth.

I'm sure there are friends and family shaking their heads at this thought; wondering what they are going to do without me in the eternities. And to those loved ones I say... sorry, I know eternal life will be boring without me there. I believe we live then we die... I don't believe there is a place where good people go and a place where others go. 

I have yet to define the 'ism' I subscribe to. For now I'll call it myism; a belief system of my own making.

I believe we have this life and we should make good choices. The choices that bring us, and those around us, happiness and love. 

I believe morality is not something exclusive to religion or religious people. The most important tenant of my life is to love and respect. Love and respect myself; love and respect others; love and respect all the people, animals and objects in my world. I believe everyone is my equal and no one is more important or lesser important than me.

I believe Excel is a miracle.

What I think about, what intrigues and fascinates me, is why do masses of people believe in a higher power? What is it in our human nature driving us to form religions and beliefs in something or someone who is in charge of things somehow. Is it our need to have answers? Our need to have power and control? Our need to know that somehow things will be made right through some eternal reward and punishment system? What if Hitler gets away with it? What if there is no eternal damnation in store for the horribly cruel and evil people who have lived on this planet?

There is one bit I have not quite let go of and I'm not sure how I reconcile this feeling or belief with my disbelief. I want to know that somehow when death occurs and we lose a loved one that they are still with us. I want their presence to be real and significant. My heart aches to think there is no contact with loved ones who have passed. 

So I still believe in ghosts and spirits... why? I'm not sure why. When horrible and tragic things happen to me or those close to me I still want to have contact. Imagine losing a child and not having any further contact. I use my powers of cognitive dissonance and I say 'maybe it's science'. Perhaps spirits and ghosts can be explained through science.

We are made up of energy and that energy is connected to everything else made up of energy. When we die our energy disperses into the universe and remains present. Maybe that energy hangs around us and comforts or haunts us. Energy vibrates at different frequencies and under the right circumstance we are sensitive to that frequency and we experience something paranormal. 

So it makes sense doesn't it? Energy, ghosts, spirits... or is this just one other attempt to bring me peace of mind; maybe it's simply infrasound.

Think I'll just let the mystery be.


  1. Very deep thoughts over coffee this a.m. I call myself agnostic because I got so tired of hearing Mormons say they "know" their church is true. I like not "knowing" anything. :)

    1. I'm with you 'I know nothing'

      Sargent Shultz