What is Cognitive Dissonance? As I understand it, cognitive dissonance is the feeling of discomfort or anxiety we feel when we face a reality not fitting our beliefs. For instance when I was young, growing up a faithful Mormon girl, I had a very rigid and strong belief system. I knew nothing about ‘gay people’ except that it was wrong and immoral. Being gay meant someone was absolutely abhorrent and sinful; the scourge of the earth causing empires to fail. So at the age of ten when I found myself attracted to the girl up the street rather than the boy I climbed trees with I had to find a way to push those feelings aside because I knew being gay was sinful. I got rid of the dissonance by believing that I was a good person and this outweighed the feeling of being gay. I knew I was good and gay was bad; therefore, there was no possibility I was gay. Problem solved; until next time.
Feelings for the ‘fairer sex’ continued throughout my life; over and over again, getting stronger and more difficult to deny as I grew older. I dated boys but at the same time I secretly entertained thoughts of being with girls. These thoughts scared me so I would immediately try to find an explanation fitting my belief system. The explanation I came up with was that these girls and, later in life, women I found myself so drawn to were ‘soul mates’; women I knew in pre-existing life where we had been very close and had a spiritual connection so strong and unbreakable that it crossed into this life. My life was filled with soul mates, so many beautiful soul mates.