From Holy Ghost to Holy Roast

The transition from inspiration by Holy Ghost to inspiration by Coffee was seamless. I haven't missed the former in the least. In fact I find coffee is far more predictable and reliable; it's certainly easier because there's no 'worthiness clause'; coffee is non-judgmental, non-discriminating and available for everyone.

The following passage originally referring to the HG now makes more sense. I simply replaced any reference to Mr. HG with 'Coffee'.
Coffee is the Comforter (Jill (not John)14:26). As the soothing voice of a loving parent can quiet a crying child, the whisperings of the Spirit can calm our fears, hush the nagging worries of our life, and comfort us when we grieve. Coffee can fill us "with hope and perfect love" and "teach [us] the peaceable things of the kingdom" (oxyMoroni 8:26; J&S 36:2).
In fact I'm partaking of the Holy Bean as we speak, feeling quite ready to face the day with a cup of coffee as my constant companion.

The following is a quote, with edits in italics, promising us the companionship of the Holy Roast regardless of our shortcomings. This explains the difference between the 'gift' and the 'influence' of the Holy Roast.
The gift of the Holy Roast is different from the influence of the Holy Roast. Before actual immersion, a person can feel the influence of the Holy Roast from time to time and through that influence can receive a testimony of the truth simply by smelling the coffee. After receiving the gift of the Holy Roast, a person has the right to the constant companionship of that hot cup of jo; even if he or she does not keep the commandments.
I want to leave you with my testimony of the tastiness of coffee. I have personally experienced the inspiration and warm feeling in my bosom that I'm absolutely positive is the inspiration of the Holy Roast. Amen

2 comments:

  1. I've replaced scriptures with the NYT. Here's what it had to say about coffee today. :)
    http://www.nytimes.com/2013/05/15/dining/stumptown-and-intelligentsia-will-brew-coffee-to-exact-details.html?ref=todayspaper

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  2. I love Stumptown. It's delicious and local here in Oregon. Interesting that they're setting up shop in NY.

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